Why care for our loved ones could use a man's touch
Many older men find it easier to establish a relationship with a carer their own gender
Like most things in this life, particularly regarding illness or disability, we don't tend to think much about them until they arrive at our own door.
As a family, we are at the third of possibly many phases of my father's ongoing illness. Phase one was eight months spent in hospital after a major stroke.
Phase two was six months spent in a nursing home after a long wait for a place there, and phase three is back home with 24-hour home care since August of this year.
Having only been given a few hours to live on his first day in intensive care, my dad (71) has thankfully proved the doctors wrong and insists on staying around for a while yet.
It was always the wish of my mother, my brother and myself to bring my dad home, even though we knew it would never be easy. My mother's preference was male home carers for my dad.
From a respect and dignity perspective, she felt it would be better for a male to help him with all his daily needs -- from getting out of bed, to showering, shaving, using the toilet and the myriad of other needs he has, having lost his very fine independence at the time of the stroke.
My mother also felt that a male carer might form a better bond with my dad. Perhaps someone he could connect with through a mutual interest in sport. Someone he could trust and would co-operate with, especially when it came to taking his 23 tablets a day. Someone who would understand his agitation and frustration, and not take it personally.
However, we have found that male carers are few and far between. I'm sure we're not the only family who would like male carers to take care of a male loved one.
Looking at our ageing population, I think there is a growing need for male carers in Irish society. According to the Carers Association, in 2006 there were 467,926 persons aged 65 years and over in Ireland, constituting 11pc of the population. By 2021, this is projected to grow to 750,930 and constitute 16pc. This will lead to a greater requirement for caring services.
According to Catherine Cox, Communications Manager with the Carers Association, 38pc of family carers in Ireland in the 2006 Census were male.
"This figure has shifted significantly over the last 20 years, as the figure would have been approximately 20pc male and 80pc female in the 1970s and 1980s," she says.
"We have a number of male respite workers whom we employ to go into a carer's home and provide care to loved ones. In most cases, this is at the request of the family who require care for a male loved one and is mostly around maintaining the dignity of the person requiring care.
"This most often involves personal care such as washing, bathing, toileting," says Catherine.
Difficult
"It has proved more difficult for us as an employer to recruit trained male care workers as it was not seen in the past as an area where men would have worked.
"This is, however, changing with the current recession and we have seen an increase in the number of males applying for positions within our Association."
Gerry Coffey works part-time as a respite carer with the Carers Association. Gerry was made redundant back in 2008. He used to sell sand to the golfing and equestrian industry and as their primary source of business was the construction industry, he lost his job with the downturn in the economy.
Gerry looked at different courses at the time and did a trainee care attendant course with FÁS, after which he did his placement in a local nursing home in Nenagh, Co Tipperary.
He has been working a 30-hour week in the same nursing home since, as well as doing additional hours with the Carers Association.
"There were very few males on my course -- maybe 5pc. I think a lot of stereotyping exists around the caring profession," says Gerry. "Women are perceived to be the more caring species. You don't see many role models for male carers.
"A job as a carer doesn't pay huge wages -- it pays way less than the average industrial wage."
In the nursing home, Gerry works in the day room.
"The youngest resident that comes to the day room is 30 years of age and the oldest is 102. I do 25 minutes exercise a day with them. I read a book to them that they can relate to, and read the daily papers to them. I engage with them.
"within reason, we talk about what's happening in the world. I enjoy the work. I'm an adaptable individual."
For the Carers Association, Gerry calls to see two elderly gentlemen living within five miles of each other in North Tipperary. He calls to one man seven mornings a week to help to get him up and dressed. The other man he calls to three days a week.
"When I call, it's one of the few occasions that either man gets to interact with another male. We have the banter backwards and forwards and can have the chat about the football or hurling.
"There are some things that these men might say to a male carer that they wouldn't say to a female carer. One of the men is a bachelor from a rural background and wouldn't be used to dealing with females. He is very shy and reserved. It can be a cultural thing," says Gerry.
According to a spokesperson from Age Action: "If a carer is properly trained and carries out the duties of a carer professionally, then their gender would not determine suitability to be a carer.
"Some older people, however, do express a preference for a carer of a specific gender. The issue has been raised in the past by female nursing-home residents who prefer to be cared for by a female carer when it comes to dressing and bathing."
Mary McCormack is the director of Tara Winthrop Private Clinic in Swords, Co Dublin.
"We have roughly a one to four ratio of male to female health-care assistants," says Mary.
"Male staff are very valuable where one has male patients," Mary adds. "A lot of our older gentlemen prefer to have a male carer. However, for the protection of both staff and patient, our policy is that there are always two carers attending a patient, either two females or one male and one female.
"While I don't see a growing need for more male carers," says Mary, "I do see a need for boys to be educated in a more caring environment, because they make excellent and very patient carers. The educational system really should be looked at.
"Now, especially with the economic situation the way it is, young men are coming to realise the value of a qualification in the healthcare industry.
"I have seen a couple of men recently who never thought they would derive so much satisfaction from doing something for the elderly or indeed the handicapped.
"We need to get back to our old Irish kindly way and inspire the young people to do things for others from a young age," says Mary.
One of the male carers who works with Mary at Tara Winthrop is Paul Doheny. Paul (36) was made redundant from the building trade two-and-a-half years ago.
"I started looking at courses and a full-time one came up for a healthcare support worker. I thought it might be something I'd be interested in doing.
"It was daunting going back to school at first, as I had been out of it for so long. There were two other Irish men and two Nigerian men on the course with me out of a class of 20.
"Certain residents ask specifically for me to care for them," he adds. "One lady in her late forties with MS, for example, always asks if I'm on. Also, two men in their late fifties-early sixties. I think that's down to three things -- I've a good personality, I'm male and I'm Irish.
"Certainly, older gentlemen would prefer male carers, but I think the fact that I'm Irish and can communicate better with some of the residents makes me more popular.
Relationship
"It can take a while to build up a relationship with some residents," says Paul, "particularly those with Alzheimer's or dementia. This can be very difficult. I find that, being Irish, I can talk about when they were kids growing up, about schools, wars, famine, music that they would have liked. This helps to build a relationship, and a friendship."
We are very lucky at the moment to have Benni, a Filipino male carer, who provides excellent care for my dad. He is also a great support to my mother in terms of helping in the house.
There is, however, that communication barrier between Benni and my dad, which can be difficult at times for both of them. Hopefully, that bond will develop over time.
I've had a magnet in my kitchen for a number of years that says: "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." I always took that as meaning physical distance. My dad always had a great sense of humour. He loved to tell a funny story and always enjoyed hearing one. On the rare occasion I see my dad laugh now, it is as if his illness disappears and he is the same as he always was. There is no distance between us.
From my own experience of caring for my dad, it has definitely been one of the most challenging roles in my wide-ranging career to date. Yet it has also probably been the most rewarding.
My father and I would have often clashed in personality when I was growing up. I think we were quite similar in temperament. However, years later, in his present state of vulnerability, he brings out the very best in me. I have the patience of a saint when I'm with him. I don't even have that with my own children at times.
I have learned more about myself and my capabilities in the last 16 months than I have in all the years before that. His illness has been a gift to me. It has made me a better person.
The Carers Association National Office, Market Square, Tullamore, Co Offaly. Tel: 057 9322920, www.carersireland.com. Freefone Careline Service: 1800 24 07 24
